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8492nd

How do you really see me?

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I know I'm intense. You all get that. Now you're constantly left with some negative image everytime my name is brought up.

I can come up with all sorts of pathetic excuses:

like inheriting emotional intensity from my parents etc.

And even if that's true, I know that nothing ever justifies behavior.

And I hate that argument so much.

So do you see me as a monster? Some dirty troll? Or what else?  (On some level, yes you do. Just like you did Starlight.)

Do you seriously think there is nothing good about me at all?

Now I've already planned to go back to watch s8 now. But I still wonder if that even makes a difference of you seeing me in some other light. And even as I try to improve myself, I'm still pathetic in your eyes am I?

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In short I think you should relax and get a drink or something. Stop obsessing about what others think and just live your life. 

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You're honestly a good person, you just get heated over silly things that shouldn't be heated over. I think LostSanity's presence lingered with you a bit longer than it should've. Just take Cinder's advice and relax.

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Well, you're not a troll. You come across as painfully sincere; a troll would be saying outrageous things to rile people up while maintaining an ironic detachment to everything. I don't know where you get the idea that people think you're a monster, either. I see you as a bit paranoid and really unsure of yourself. Definitely your own worst enemy. I don't think you need to worry about your online behavior harming anyone else. Just try to relax if you can, for your own peace of mind.

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You seem somebody easily influenced about negative opinions. And try to make us defend your own point of view since you have not enough personality to defend yourself things like the show that you seem appreciate.

If you think that's true, work on it. We never need a justification for our tastes. We can use it to debate, but that doesn't mean it's wrong to like something know as shit, or hating something popular.

It's how I see you.

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On 2/14/2018 at 3:03 AM, Friendship is Horses said:

Well, you're not a troll. You come across as painfully sincere; a troll would be saying outrageous things to rile people up while maintaining an ironic detachment to everything. I don't know where you get the idea that people think you're a monster, either. I see you as a bit paranoid and really unsure of yourself. Definitely your own worst enemy. I don't think you need to worry about your online behavior harming anyone else. Just try to relax if you can, for your own peace of mind.

 

On 2/14/2018 at 10:21 AM, Bakaarion said:

You seem somebody easily influenced about negative opinions. And try to make us defend your own point of view since you have not enough personality to defend yourself things like the show that you seem appreciate.

If you think that's true, work on it. We never need a justification for our tastes. We can use it to debate, but that doesn't mean it's wrong to like something know as shit, or hating something popular.

It's how I see you.

 

On 2/13/2018 at 6:11 AM, Cinder Vel said:

In short I think you should relax and get a drink or something. Stop obsessing about what others think and just live your life. 

 

Well at least I'm being painfully sincere, even if you don't like it. Believe me when I say I'm always feeling uneasy when I try to lie. And I know how difficult it is to put on facades, because I know I'll eventually slip up sooner or later. So I say to myself: what's the point of even trying to pretend if you'll eventually blunder? The best thing I can ever do is be behave honestly, even if you or others find it a pain. At least you know I don't try to hide anything.

 

And the reason why I would sometimes see myself as a monster is because, as you said, I am unsure of myself. For my entire life, I grew up thinking COMPLETELY outside the norm of what everyone wants and needs. Now you can say that "Oh everyone else is different" but you and everyone else will never understand what it is like to be so different in my case. I'm unsure of myself because I was never socially wired to interact with others. Now I am lucky to have one best friend who I still feel close to on the other side of the world. But one of my biggest regrets is that I have never been able to feel close to anyone else. And I am paranoid that everyone else will get me because of all the bad things happening around the world, like the possibilities that I will be murdered because I'm a foreigner or that I'll be a third wheel in a conflict. I violently lash out, if you've ever seen me do it here, because I am afraid.

Me constantly having an innocent, childish view of the world MY ENTIRE LIFE while not completely trading away my maturity has somehow helped me get by. In fact, me always "being a child" has already given me a sense of identity. It helped me realize that all those things we experience like wars, bullying, effing politics; it's all pointless to me and restricts me from being me.

Like in pony, I was attracted to it in the first place and especially the fandom, because I thought I could have another shot at talking to others, which I still feel nervous about. But after all the hate for season 6, and some eps in season 7 and the movie I couldn't take it anymore. People will say I'm pathetic for stopping to watch pony because of the bad fandom, but they'll never realize the hurt I feel. I realized that maybe I was never meant to be part of fandoms. When I went into other fandoms for Star wars or superheroes, anime, video games, etc. I felt just as horrible being around others. I didn't like seeing others' opinions because I felt they intruded onto my peaceful place, the same place that keeps me sane. That's also why I lash out.

 

People get angry at me for why I think this way of an episode or character and I don't give reasons why. But have you ever heard of the philosophically enjoyable way of liking something for the sake of it?

I know how lengthy this is. But the bottom line is, I felt miserable having quit pony. It's helped me, in a way, reveal who I am. Now that I'm back, I really feel like I'm getting back that  happiness which I regret throwing away.

I don't care about continuity or characterization or rushing episodes or redemptions being overdone, and frankly I will never understand or accept why people debate about it. And reviewing and criticizing is not in my nature because my shallow interpretations are all I needed to help me live on and that's all that matters to me.

If anyone has an issue with me being shallow, go ahead and raise it. But what you see as shallow, I call it being myself. Now you can go and further say something on that matter.

On 2/13/2018 at 7:10 AM, Toki Zensekai said:

You're honestly a good person, you just get heated over silly things that shouldn't be heated over. I think LostSanity's presence lingered with you a bit longer than it should've. Just take Cinder's advice and relax.

Yeah and I effing hated him. If only other people whom I don't like online will completely go away.

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I don't believe there is a single person on this site that really hates you. Nobody here will attack you for having an opinion. Just as you should not obsesses with people that don't share your view.

I still have no idea where you even saw genuine hate for the whole season 6, worst I saw is people not liking particular episodes. And the movie really was more loved than hated. Criticism is not same as hate, you can criticize and find flaws in something you love.  Also remember that for every loud hater there are are 10 people that like it but are quiet. Silent majority, loud minority and that is why you should never blindly assume that loudmouths talk for the community. 


 

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On 2/26/2018 at 7:30 AM, Cinder Vel said:



I still have no idea where you even saw genuine hate for the whole season 6, worst I saw is people not liking particular episodes. And the movie really was more loved than hated. Criticism is not same as hate, you can criticize and find flaws in something you love.  Also remember that for every loud hater there are are 10 people that like it but are quiet. Silent majority, loud minority and that is why you should never blindly assume that loudmouths talk for the community. 


 

Regarding hate for season 6, movie, some eps of s7, and even the ep Horse Play (https://www.equestriadaily.com/2018/03/mlp-season-8-episode-7-horse-play.html#more)

check Equestriadaily, Deviantart, and MLPForums (not this one I am typing on right now), to name a few.

 

And I am among those hypothetical 10 quiet people who like things.

And check this one from AnalyticalGamer to me:

" I agree with your answer. You don't need to review every movie you watch, nor do you need to review movies at all. People shouldn't lampoon you for that, and they also shouldn't lampoon you for simply watching a movie. Lampooning seems to be an unethical way of criticizing someone or something, so I believe this method should not be utilized at all. "

That's what I want to live by when I watch. If I'm going to be shot dead by those analysts (Lily Peet, MrEnter,DarkQiviut to name a few) for not choosing to analyze something or be critical of something or even think and just accept everything that's shown on my screen, then I do prefer to be shot dead for doing that. If they want to disfigure my face because I am "ignorant" then I say let them. I prefer to be killed for being myself.

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@8492nd

First I want to make this clear. I believe that you need therapy. You clearly have some issues. I am not going to pretend that I understand you, just as you can't possibly know anything at all about me. But the things you are saying are disturbing and you need help from a professional and not some random strangers online.
 

5 hours ago, 8492nd said:

Regarding hate for season 6, movie, some eps of s7, and even the ep Horse Play (https://www.equestriadaily.com/2018/03/mlp-season-8-episode-7-horse-play.html#more)

check Equestriadaily, Deviantart, and MLPForums (not this one I am typing on right now), to name a few.

I checked that link and "surprise"! I found people saying that they like the episode and are glad that Celestia is getting more episodes. People are so excited to see it and those that watched the leak are barely holding themselves from spoiling it. Even a certain "analyst" you blacklisted praises the episode. I am sure if I would dig every single comment I would find complaints but well as my people say "боли ме курац" (NSFW!). Also this is season 8 leaked episode  and not 6 or 7.

Also I said it once and and I will probably waste my time saying it again and again. It is OK to criticize things you like, flaws exist and are unavoidable. You can love something and find it flawed. 

Incidentally this is second time this week I went to EqD itself to see for myself the toxic hate and all I found was disappointment. Just wide variety people with wide variety of opinions. Most even positive. Don't know about Deviant Art pony communities but I suspect it is also is very broad and varied. Probably same for MLPForums though I did hear some rumors about that place. But really it seems to me that I have to intentionally find haters in order to hear their opinions and I have to intentionally pick a fight with them. 
 

 

5 hours ago, 8492nd said:

And I am among those hypothetical 10 quiet people who like things.

I said 10 quiet people that like something per 1 hater. Which means if you see 10 haters than there are 100 people that enjoy it but aren't bothered to voice their opinion, for 100 haters you get 1000 quiet ones and so on. It isn't quite always accurate and is rough estimation. Also incidentally you aren't one of the quiet ones, you clearly voice your opinion and get into pointless arguments that are just hurting you.

 

5 hours ago, 8492nd said:

" I agree with your answer. You don't need to review every movie you watch, nor do you need to review movies at all. People shouldn't lampoon you for that, and they also shouldn't lampoon you for simply watching a movie. Lampooning seems to be an unethical way of criticizing someone or something, so I believe this method should not be utilized at all. "

That is very nice of AnalyticalGamer. You certainly don't need to review things (I personally don't like doing that) and you shouldn't be mocked for liking something. You should pay attention more to nicer people in community like him instead of wasting time on the toxic waste. 
 

5 hours ago, 8492nd said:

That's what I want to live by when I watch. If I'm going to be shot dead by those analysts (Lily Peet, MrEnter,DarkQiviut to name a few) for not choosing to analyze something or be critical of something or even think and just accept everything that's shown on my screen, then I do prefer to be shot dead for doing that. If they want to disfigure my face because I am "ignorant" then I say let them. I prefer to be killed for being myself.

They will NOT do that. They don't know who you are, they don't care who you are or what you think and are nowhere near you. They will never be able to harm you unless you let them. Out of the listed I only sort of know DarkQivut and while I don't agree with his opinions I am willing to give him benefit of doubt that he would not do anything harmful to people he disagrees with. Lily Peet I say avoid at all cost because that person has issues, I'd rather suggest you check out Silver Quill or Dr.Wolf if you really need to watch pony youtubers (I prefer discussing MLP only with people I actually like and or respect but I guess I am in minority or something). Anyway this part of the post is exactly the type of posts that convinces me that you need help, such low sense of self-worth is not healthy. 

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The quiet majority is bigger than 1:100 generally. That's not easy to estimate, but when you see numbers like 57k followers on EQDs twitter, with barely 2-3 comments each tweet, with 0 haters... Meh.

Or using google trend tools, you could see the quiet majority.

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On 3/4/2018 at 10:27 PM, Cinder Vel said:


@8492nd

First I want to make this clear. I believe that you need therapy. You clearly have some issues. I am not going to pretend that I understand you, just as you can't possibly know anything at all about me. But the things you are saying are disturbing and you need help from a professional and not some random strangers online.
 

I checked that link and "surprise"! I found people saying that they like the episode and are glad that Celestia is getting more episodes. People are so excited to see it and those that watched the leak are barely holding themselves from spoiling it. Even a certain "analyst" you blacklisted praises the episode. I am sure if I would dig every single comment I would find complaints but well as my people say "боли ме курац" (NSFW!). Also this is season 8 leaked episode  and not 6 or 7.

Also I said it once and and I will probably waste my time saying it again and again. It is OK to criticize things you like, flaws exist and are unavoidable. You can love something and find it flawed. 

Incidentally this is second time this week I went to EqD itself to see for myself the toxic hate and all I found was disappointment. Just wide variety people with wide variety of opinions. Most even positive. Don't know about Deviant Art pony communities but I suspect it is also is very broad and varied. Probably same for MLPForums though I did hear some rumors about that place. But really it seems to me that I have to intentionally find haters in order to hear their opinions and I have to intentionally pick a fight with them. 
 

 

I said 10 quiet people that like something per 1 hater. Which means if you see 10 haters than there are 100 people that enjoy it but aren't bothered to voice their opinion, for 100 haters you get 1000 quiet ones and so on. It isn't quite always accurate and is rough estimation. Also incidentally you aren't one of the quiet ones, you clearly voice your opinion and get into pointless arguments that are just hurting you.

 

That is very nice of AnalyticalGamer. You certainly don't need to review things (I personally don't like doing that) and you shouldn't be mocked for liking something. You should pay attention more to nicer people in community like him instead of wasting time on the toxic waste. 
 

They will NOT do that. They don't know who you are, they don't care who you are or what you think and are nowhere near you. They will never be able to harm you unless you let them. Out of the listed I only sort of know DarkQivut and while I don't agree with his opinions I am willing to give him benefit of doubt that he would not do anything harmful to people he disagrees with. Lily Peet I say avoid at all cost because that person has issues, I'd rather suggest you check out Silver Quill or Dr.Wolf if you really need to watch pony youtubers (I prefer discussing MLP only with people I actually like and or respect but I guess I am in minority or something). Anyway this part of the post is exactly the type of posts that convinces me that you need help, such low sense of self-worth is not healthy. 

For the first part, I say: SO WHAT if they're disturbing? You are correct in never being able to know me. Just as you'll never know the self-loathing I always felt knowing my views are even more different than just being different. All the hurt I felt when a select number of people have felt uncomfortable and irritated with me because I'm different. Not that I expect you to understand or accept that.

And for Horse Play, are you even aware of the fact that people state that Celestia is OOC or is a moron or  whatever venom they say about her after waiting 8 years for her to have a proper episode? They hate her because they say that Celestia is treated like trash. Only further solidifying my thoughts that bronies and fans will never be happy. In fact, no one wants to be happy. All the more reason why I defected from fandoms or even socializing in general.

And I am not ok with criticizing at all. Because my past with doing it has only gotten me into a lot of trouble with people.

And you can call me hypocritical when, as you say, I say I'm the quiet one when instead you think I'm shouting at you right now. I suppose nothing ever excuses all the hurt I've had to keep within me all these years.

Yes, I find myself warming up to what AnalyticalGamer said. And if anybody else has a problem with me not justifying why I like this/that, even if the world hates it, then come say it to me in person.

 

At least in the end, I'm being honest, instead of pretending like all the scummy trolls.

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1 hour ago, 8492nd said:

For the first part, I say: SO WHAT if they're disturbing?

So what? Because it is not healthy, it is self-destructive. The fact that something as trivial as a stupid show and any criticism hurts you this much is worrying. 

What's the use anymore, I can keep talking all day and you'll just twist everything I say in order to hurt yourself.You have decided to see only hate and nothing else. So narrow minded, so cynical, so depressed... I could have been like you, maybe even worse. All I can do is have a slim hope that you'll get better.     
  

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@Cinder VelThen I say, you can stop talking to me right now, just as I will too. That way, you won't ever have to put  up with me anymore or worry about me anymore.

From now on, this bridge is burned to ashes.

Goodbye. For good.

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On 3/16/2018 at 4:13 AM, Libra Dohko said:

@8492nd you need to calm down a bit dude

 

It's too late. He and I will no longer speak to each other for the sake of our sanities. As I said the bridge between him and me is burned.

I am fully aware of the consequences of burning bridges, ok? And I know it's irreversible, ok? Maybe I'm willing to live with that.

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@8492nd You live in your own little world don't you?

That was a rhetorical question. You absolutely do. You need to listen to other people instead of thinking of them as two-dimensional characters in this oppressive narrative you're constructing around yourself. Most bridges are made of metal and concrete nowadays; they don't burn. Wanna try putting down the torch and making some friends?

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