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Anti-Jokes

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Rules: 

Write a set-up for the joke, and then deliver a punchline that is deliberately not funny. 

Examples: 

What's Red and bad for your teeth? A Brick. 

What's Blue and has legs? The Sky. I lied about the legs. 

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Why doesn't Waluigi star in his own games? Because he's a bad character; it's even in his name, for heaven's sake.

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What always runs but never walks?

What always murmurs, never talks?

What has a bed but never sleeps?

That's a riddle, not a joke! Stupid ponies...

(I'm bad at bad jokes. It's sad. Hard to beat the last one.)

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 man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night? The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a very strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, The same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks again accept him, feed him, and again fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, We can't tell you. You're not a monk.
The man says, All right, all right. I'm dying to know.
If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?
The monks reply, You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles, when you find these numbers, you will become a monk. The man sets about his task. Some 54 years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery.
He says, I have travelled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.
The monks reply, Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.
The monks lead the man to a wooden door where the head monk says, The sound is right behind that door. The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked.
He says, Real funny. May I have the key? The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone.
The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it.
Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire, And so it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst.
Finally, the monks say, This is the last key to the last door.
The man is relieved to know that he has finally reached to the end .
He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound.

.

.

.
But he can't tell you what it is because you're not a monk.

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I'm just gonna spoiler tag this, if you're young and/or impressionable, it's probably gonna be a real depressing ride. So I'd advise against clicking. :notimpressed:

Why did the young man not show for school? He had crippling depression and took his own life.

What did the lower class family have for dinner? Nothing, the mother spent all their food income on illegal substances.

What's the most effective way to make a baby be quiet? Throw it against the wall.

What's the quickest way to lose a girlfriend? Set her on fire.

Why am I writing these horrible things? Because I'm a miserable human being and I'm venting bad life experiences.

What's the funniest part about this post? The fact that the only information anyone will retain from this post is the false assumption I threw a baby.

 

 

 

..I didn't throw a baby.

 

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One time, OK, see, one time Randy Beaman's family had this party with food and stuff and they had like this bean dip for the chips and everybody ate it and said it was really good, only it wasn't bean dip, it was a mistake, it was really dog food.
'K, bye.

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