Faustenberger

Survive the Attack!

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I Norris the chair. OK that was a bad joke, I quickly proceed to grab strong alcohol and a candle, I subsequently perform a fire breathing act that ultimately incinerates the table.

I shoot a flare over your general direction, allowing long range heavy bombers to pin point the location for a carpet bombing run.

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I run to cover, hiding from the massive amounts of floor-rugs raining down around me!

I unload a ridiculous amount of work onto you to complete in a couple of hours.

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I use Buster the crash test dummy to take my place. :hurrr:

You're in a car, that's slowly filling up with water at the bottom of a really cold lake.

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The harpoon pierces my shoulder, fierce pain spikes through my body as I yank out the jagged tip.
I quickly down a regenerating potion from my satchel, the wound closes before my eyes and before long the pain has left my body.
It's only now that I realize that it wasn't only the harpoon that hit me but also the whole harpoon gun still holding the projectile.

What a curious way of using such a weapon, if anything its a really good one time use shot as the added weight of the gun would allow for deeper penetration, but now I have the opportunity of reusing it with potentially better results (and without letting go of the gun).

The projectile is still coated with my now cold and coagulated blood, I shudder as the thoughts of being impaled by it are still fresh in my mind, to use it as it is would be to easy, it needs something added to it, something that would make it even deadlier.

I thus proceed to set an explosive charge in the harpoon, like those used by whale hunters, and shoot it right at you while holding the gun this time.

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Too long to read so I don't know what's happened (In Error's mind)

Suddenly Light Landstrider and Lord Nanfoodle have started post war with long comments and descriptions! They post every comments!

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Many are the horrors my eyes have witnessed in my many travels, your fanfic has merely put me off my sandwich for now.

I look around for a weapon to use, the only thing that seems usable is a post, a metal post planted in the ground.

I try to pull it out to no avail, the post just doesn't budge.

From my alchemists satchel I pull out a potion of strength and start drinking it, what an ungodly flavor, I struggle to not throw it all up and begin to feel unnatural force spread in my muscles.

This time the pole comes loose, still under the effects of the potion I sharpen one end of it on a nearby rock and then proceed to throw it with all my newly acquired power towards you.

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The metal pole lodges firmly in my chest; my face is frozen in an expression of disbelief as I slowly topple forward, revealing myself to be merely a cardboard cutout.

The fall gives you a rather nasty paper cut on your finger.

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Somehow I was not injured so they just removed self.

I try to bully you even I'm pure as gold

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My emotions have already been crushed by you Error, your pitiful attempts to mock me fall short, they only make my anger build up.

No need of strength potions this time, I lunge towards you with my rapier, ready to engage in a deadly combo of precise strikes and occasional riveted knuckle punches, with the plan of ending it with a well placed shot from my flintlock pistol, that I was holding all this time in my left hand. 

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I'm glad I'm listening my own songs with headphones, so I can't hear anything.

Prawns (Shrimps) attacking your city!

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(Pulls out homemade flamethrower)

FRIED SHRIMP IS ON THE MENU TONIGHT!!!

I proceed to roast them all to a wonderful crispy snack, and eat them all...eventually.

The excessive amount of seafood gives me the power to summon a giant maritime beast, which I call upon to attack you.

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Except I live in a desert. Apparently.

I kidnap you and dump you in the middle of said desert, then drive off, never to be seen again.

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Somehow you kidnapped the wrong guy.

The kidnapped guy survived somehow and began to sue you.

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HOLD IT!

Prosecutor Miles Edgeworth presents some final piece of evidence to the court, that detective Dick Gumshoe just brought in, and finds the defenses claims to be ridiculous.
Somehow the roles were reversed in this situation which ends up in a moment of silence as the judge tries to understand who is the prosecution and who the defense.

I take advantage of the chaos and make a sneaky retreat.

I realize at the end that a small girl in a pink kimono had slipped something in my pouch, a small green jade like object, a magatama.

I use the magatama to see through your lies and uncover your deepest secrets that I use against you under form of blackmail.

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i realized how lucky am I being stuck in the Animus!

The entity that made my body stuck in the Animus (hint hint: its Juno) apperently decided to send your consciousness to "The Grey" (google it.)

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