Cookiepony

1000 ways to get kicked out of a grocery store

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Invite all of the spammers who have shown up on these forums to advertise in the store. :awesomecheer:

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Try and write a summoning circle in the aisle using the blood of other customers in order to summon the produce boy... or Nyarlathotep, whomever comes first.

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Prove you're the boss of the grocery store by finding the biggest, baddest cashier and shanking them in the break room.

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Make a meat fort in the vegetarian foods sections, and declare that you have conquered the aisle in the name of flavors everywhere.

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Hide in the fruit bins, and jump out at people. Snap pic's of their faces. Scream "I'M BANANA" at police.

Works like a charm :slymac:

 

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Assemble a Nissan Kicks in the middle of the international foods section and then drive around the store blasting music.

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Squeezing applesauce onto your hand and smack your hand with the applesuce in every emloyee's face you see. And when they're out of applesauce for you to use, grab some pie and do the same thing then cake then whatever other desserts you can grab(make sure to lick the entire popsicle or melt it first). And when the store is COMPLETLY OUT OF DESSERTS, grab the syrup and pour it into the employee's faces. Do this to every employee until they run out of everything I mentioned(can do that to the same employee as many times as you see them) then dash out of the store and come back a few months later with a disguise on and do the same thing. Make sure you hide before giving your target a surprise!

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Build a wall out of soda cases and demand that the store manager pays for the wall. Bonus points if you have small hands. :awesomecheer:

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Take a bag of flour hidden in a tool bag, and a ladder. Go up and knock down one of the drop ceiling tiles, put the tool bag up there, take out the flour. Spill the flour all over below and start coughing while yelling "AGH! ASBESTOS!"

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Slaughter a lamb, collect its precious lifeblood.

With a 3-inch paintbrush, scrawl "Peccorino Romani ite domum" over the cheese aisle.

Remember to dip your brush in odorless thinner and beat the devil out of it when finished.

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When you get to the dairy section, stop for a moment, then just lose your s&$%, grab the nearest blunt object you can find, and just start wailing on all the freezer windows & dairy products there, smashing anything in sight in the dairy section. When someone finally asks what the hell is wrong with you, tell them, "I... I JUST COULDN'T BELIEVE IT WASN'T BUTTER!!"

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Take a huge floor fan and position it inside the store such that it's constantly triggering the automatic door openers. Turn it on so that it's blowing all the conditioned air out into the baking hot parking lot, causing havoc with their climate control and ultimately cause an explosion of some kind because I don't know electricity stuff?

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Grab a jar of mayo and start pouring it onto the checkout conveyor, but discretely so nobody knows what's going on until they find a big ol' mayo skidmark at the register.

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