Cookiepony

1000 ways to get kicked out of a grocery store

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Write “Jenny” and “867-5309” on a bathroom wall in front of a grocery store worker trying to clean the bathroom.

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Wait by the exit doors and try to prevent customers from leaving after they buy their groceries. Tell them that at Grocery California, they can check out any time they like, but they can never leave. 

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Intercept customers before they get through the door and tell them not to bother, they can get anything they want at Alice's restaurant.

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Release 99 helium-filled balloons while loudly singing “99 Luftballons”. Bonus points if you do not use 99 red balloons, as the German original simply translates to “99 balloons”.

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Dress up as Jeff Bezos and try to prevent employees from using the bathrooms.

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Use the cleaning products to produce a volatile toxic gas and then give everyone bags of instant-light charcoal briquettes to breathe through.

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It certainly won’t work, but try to set fire to the potatoes in the produce section. Retort that you aren’t actually starting a fire when confronted by store staff.

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Pretend you are a huge fan of the store manager and demand a signature and photos along with not leaving them alone all day

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Refuse to leave the register until the cashier lets you buy your groceries with Dogecoin.

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Wait for the water sprinklers to turn on over the produce isle and jump into a pile of lettuce while screaming "I AM THE KING OF THE RAINFOREST!!!"

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Find some cheap generic soda and try to independently market it as an elixir of youth.

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Make a fort out of crates taken from where they unload produce and put pig plushies in different spots on your fort, then throw bird plushies at it until it crashes down!

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Keep asking the manager "WHERE'S MY MTN DEW!" and even if they show you the soda isle and they have mtn dew you just keep asking

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