MoltenKitten

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3 hours ago, Lord Nanfoodle said:

I now appear to be our region's tourist hub, no doubt thanks to my abundant civil rights and my populace of classy educated stoners that wander aimlessly in the woods and perform ritual sacrifice on the homeless and transients. Just don't anger our Onigiri. Treat them like the fabulous bundles of grain they are and they won't pummel you death with giant boulders.

 

Also, it seems I've now officially gotten two issues that have had people with the last name Rarity. Fabulous indeed. :stararity:

I guess their names aren't a Rarity after all :awesomecheer:

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Onigiri%20Enclave%20Strange%20News_zpsl3

Apparently clandestine cults are considered "diverse options for the youth." :awesomecheer:

 

Interestingly, people in the Onigiri Enclave aren't dying from ritual sacrifice anymore, and folks can now expect a life expectancy over 70, but strangely more and more people are wandering aimlessly into the woods to meet a terrible fate thanks to a particular riceball. :onigirirarity:

 

...Also, polygamy is now legal in the Enclave.

 

*Update: Got the same headline pic for a paper stating "Parents Compete For Homes In Top School Zones." Apparently I'm beginning to think my whole populace is nothing but robed ascetic cultists... Excellent. The conditioning worked. :flattered:

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I present to you... the people of the Imperium!

Quote

Following new legislation in the_imperium_of_duck__384268t2.pngThe Imperium of Duck, there have been reports of people marrying housepets.

Following new legislation in the_imperium_of_duck__384268t2.pngThe Imperium of Duck, UFO sightings are listed daily in the morning news.

Following new legislation in the_imperium_of_duck__384268t2.pngThe Imperium of Duck, annulments are on the rise as couples discover their ancestors were born in the same hospitals.

Following new legislation in the_imperium_of_duck__384268t2.pngThe Imperium of Duck, breastfeeding mothers are replacing smokers to loiter outside the workplace.

Following new legislation in the_imperium_of_duck__384268t2.pngThe Imperium of Duck, police conduct weekly raids looking for contraband cheeseburgers.

Following new legislation in the_imperium_of_duck__384268t2.pngThe Imperium of Duck, human tissue is grown in vats as a delicacy as well as for transplants.

At least they're a productive bunch....

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15 hours ago, Light Landstrider said:

"breast milk is being redistributed from each according to their ability to each according to their need"

...

how do I English?

 

 

This can be reworded: Those that are able to supply large quantities of breast milk are giving their surplus to those that are unable to produce adequate amounts.

 

That first sentence gets the AWK stamp. Multiple times over.

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  • priceless Maxtopian artwork can often be found in executive bathrooms.
  • scientists recently cloned the long-extinct feather-bellied Phoenix.
  •  bizarre-looking creatures called 'Phoenixdogs' dominate wildlife preserves.
  • census workers struggle to account for the rapidly increasing number of citizens to tabulate.
  •  major cities shut down as their local sports team takes to the field every day.
  • citizens are bombarded with advertising from their compulsory miniature radios.
  • referenda are held for every conceivable government action.
  • homeowners are evicted to make way for new runways.
  •  The Caelum Union changed its national nation type to "United Kingdom".
  • politicians are losing their jobs in a plan to make the government 'leaner and fitter'.
  • protesters are up in arms over new nuclear power stations.
  •  there have been reports of people marrying housepets.
  •  replacement organs are grown in vats.
  • reporters sent to cover suspected UFO visits come back with stories about quilting bees.
  • Saturday morning cartoons feature full frontal nudity.
  •  a vast monorail network carries people all over the country.
  •  children as young as twelve are conscripted into the armed forces.
  •  candidates for public office painstakingly research their family trees to ensure their eligibility.
  •  the entire retail industry has been replaced by online delivery services.
  • marketing departments of corporate giants compete to sponsor little league teams.
  •  the bonfire of the old paper records can be seen for miles around The Caelum Union City.
  • cheese has become the new icon of political dissent.

The Week in the Caelum Union. We're now a United Kingdom, the reigning government is an "Inoffensive Centrist Democracy", and everything is on the rise.

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6 hours ago, Nova S. Aurora said:

 

This can be reworded: Those that are able to supply large quantities of breast milk are giving their surplus to those that are unable to produce adequate amounts.

 

That first sentence gets the AWK stamp. Multiple times over.

Thanks for the clarification.

Cheers! :huzzah:

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  • Saturday morning cartoons feature full frontal nudity.

Brb moving to Caelum Union.

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Latest happenings from the Brightest nation:

  • the native owl population is in permanent hibernation.
  • annulments are on the rise as couples discover their ancestors were born in the same hospitals.
  • corporations donate huge sums of money to favored politicians.
  • replacement organs are grown in vats.
  • noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law.
  • the study of medicine is popular throughout The Bright Dawn Confederation.
  • schools have extensive counseling programs for troubled students.
  • the Hanging Gardens account for half of The Bright Dawn Confederation City's water use.

 

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4 hours ago, Light Landstrider said:
  • noises louder than a whisper have been prohibited by law.

I have a joke for this... But none of you would get the reference.

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And more news from The Caelum Union : 

  • The internet has been placed under government control.
  • The Caelum Union was reclassified from "Left-Leaning College State" to "Scandinavian Liberal Paradise".
  • The military is on a massive recruiting drive in advance of an invasion of Brasilistan.
  • The government is spending millions on alternative clean-burning fuels.
  • Convicted murderers are free to walk the streets provided they attend rehabilitation classes.
  • Prime commercial land is being swamped with archaeological teams.
  • Prudishness is on the way out.
  • The Caelum Union was reclassified from "Inoffensive Centrist Democracy" to "Left-Leaning College State".
  • The state auctions off combat drones to fund war reparations.
  • The "Underwear of Women in Power" issue of The The Caelum Union City Times is sold out.
  • Religious figures have been banned from public holidays to make them more multicultural.

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The Talking Point

All marriages are arranged by the government.

Recent Headlines
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i get to tell people who to marry YAY

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Exclusive report from the Caelum Union : WAR!

 

The Caelum Union has declared War on Brasilistan after it started kidnapping its own citizens and Caelumian tourists to work in its diamond mines. 

The campaign as it unfolded :

  • The military is on a massive recruiting drive in advance of an invasion of Brasilistan.
  • Carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population.
  • The nation's air missiles have killed thousands of Brasilistan military personnel.
  • Elite teams of assassins have been sent into Brasilistan.
  • 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become Leader's new moniker.

Brasilistan is now part of the Caelum Union and its people are under our protection.

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2 hours ago, Skyrazer said:

Exclusive report from the Caelum Union : WAR!

 

The Caelum Union has declared War on Brasilistan after it started kidnapping its own citizens and Caelumian tourists to work in its diamond mines. 

The campaign as it unfolded :

  • The military is on a massive recruiting drive in advance of an invasion of Brasilistan.
  • Carpet bombing has decimated Brasilistan's landscape and population.
  • The nation's air missiles have killed thousands of Brasilistan military personnel.
  • Elite teams of assassins have been sent into Brasilistan.
  • 'Coloniser-in-Chief' has become Leader's new moniker.

Brasilistan is now part of the Caelum Union and its people are under our protection.

 

I had that issue too, dismissed it. My country has no military and i don't want it to anyway.

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Wow, forgot to post in this thread about the Glorious Communion of Bored Mughals (sick name, I know) which seems to have a good amount of civil rights and political freedoms, our economy is struggling somewhat however

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My people must pay 81.7% of their precious Turds back to the government in taxes. You could say I'm literally taxing the shit out of them. :awesomecheer:

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The United Socialist States of Aurorealius is a very large, socially progressive nation, notable for its anti-smoking policies, rampant corporate plagiarism, and irreverence towards religion. The hard-nosed population of 188 million Auroreals have some civil rights, but not too many, enjoy the freedom to spend their money however they like, to a point, and take part in free and open elections, although not too often.

The large government prioritizes Education, with Environment, Public Transport, and Industry also on the agenda, while Spirituality isn't funded at all. The average income tax rate is 57.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The thriving aurorealian economy, worth 13.4 trillion Bits a year, is led by the Tourism industry, with significant contributions from Information Technology, Soda Sales, and Arms Manufacturing. State-owned companies are reasonably common. Average income is 71,468 Bits, and evenly distributed, with the richest citizens earning only 2.1 times as much as the poorest.

The government is spending millions on renovating the public transportation system, replacement organs are grown in vats, a government program is underway to revitalize Aurorealius's beaches, and the nation's only university is the School of Hard Knocks. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a capable police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. Aurorealius's national animal is the unicorn, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

Aurorealius is ranked 124,032nd in the world and 3rd in United Nations of Dank for Most Avoided, scoring 1.26 on the Kardashian Reflex Score

National Happenings

  • 5 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, the nation's only university is the School of Hard Knocks.
  • 5 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, a government program is underway to revitalize Aurorealius's beaches.
  • 5 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, replacement organs are grown in vats.
  • 1 day 1 hour ago: aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius was ranked in the Top 5% of the world for Most Secular.
  • 1 day 3 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, the government is spending millions on renovating the public transportation system.
  • 1 day 3 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, NationStates is now a popular brand of laxatives despite Max Barry's protests.
  • 1 day 13 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, drills and shovels have been banned as the government cracks down on any means of fracking.
  • 1 day 20 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, schoolchildren have twice-weekly sex education classes.
  • 1 day 20 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, science centers and state of the art laboratories are ubiquitous.
  • 1 day 20 hours ago: Following new legislation in aurorealius__510982t2.jpgAurorealius, matryoshka dolls resembling nested Death Stars are commonly sold.

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The Holy Empire of The Onigiri Enclave is a huge, safe nation, renowned for its soft-spoken computers, multi-spousal wedding ceremonies, and state-planned economy. The compassionate population of 201 million Riceballs enjoy extensive civil rights and enjoy a level of social equality free from the usual accompanying government corruption.

The government — a sprawling, bureaucracy-choked, liberal, socially-minded morass — juggles the competing demands of Education, Welfare, and Environment. The average income tax rate is 82.7%, and even higher for the wealthy.

The sizeable but inefficient Onigiri economy, worth 10.2 trillion Turds a year, is driven entirely by a combination of government and state-owned industry, with private enterprise illegal. The industrial sector, which is highly specialized, is led by the Information Technology industry, with major contributions from Tourism and Book Publishing. Average income is 50,699 Turds, and distributed extremely evenly, with little difference between the richest and poorest citizens.

Recent protests against birds flying too low have resulted in bloodshed, the military has forsaken terrestrial warfare, the government funds large training centres to turn Fabulous Onigiris into functioning members of society, and foreigners with shady pasts are fleeing the country. Crime is totally unknown, thanks to a well-funded police force and progressive social policies in education and welfare. The Onigiri Enclave's national animal is the Fabulous Onigiri, which frolics freely in the nation's many lush forests.

The Onigiri Enclave is ranked 20,396th in the world and 4th in Union of Equestria for Most Compassionate Citizens, scoring 50 on the Kitten Softness Rating.

 
The Issue

After several reports of pet Fabulous Onigiris violently attacking, injuring, and even killing citizens, there has been growing pressure from public safety activists for the government to take action.

The Debate
  1. "These creatures are a danger to the public and must be destroyed!" says Jamil Dimitrov, representative of the Public Institution for Social Safety, Equality, and Direction. "I was attacked by one just on the way here and I nearly lost my life! They're a public menace. We must shoot and burn them!"

     

  2. "Why punish the poor things?" asks animal-lover Natalia Delauter, covered in scars from previous encounters with Fabulous Onigiris. "All they need is good hands to care and rehabilitate them. We need a government education programme to tame them and turn them into loveable pets. The one I'm holding right now shows that it can be done. They are all good, kind creatures deep d- argh!"

     

  3. "I agree that we shouldn't kill them," says Chastity Trax, a famous lawyer. "But I don't think the owner should get away with breaking the law! This is clearly a case of 'intent to grievously harm' if I ever saw it. All citizens should be held accountable for their pet's actions as if they had done the act themselves. It's the only way to be fair - after all, they're just dumb animals."

     

  4. "Who cares!?" screams Gregory Pushkin, transmitting from a pirate radio station broadcast. "Just repeal any laws preventing us from shooting the things when they attack and we'll be able to save ourselves without this stupid, authoritarian, overbearing government and legal system wasting our tax money!"

     

 

Welp, seems Rarity's pissed. Time to appease the mighty rice goddess. :rariwat:

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  • 17 minutes ago: Following new legislation in radiant_islands__524084t2.jpgRadiant islands, main battle tanks stalk the woods of Radiant islands in search of Doves.

Picked option for less cruelty in hunting the national animal for sport, was not disappointed.

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10 hours ago, TheBakaProject said:
  • 17 minutes ago: Following new legislation in radiant_islands__524084t2.jpgRadiant islands, main battle tanks stalk the woods of Radiant islands in search of Doves.

Picked option for less cruelty in hunting the national animal for sport, was not disappointed.

It's not cruel when they die instantly.

Same goes for the trees, brush, and any other animals in its immediate vicinity.

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